Step-by-step: Using the squares at home

  • Choose a Moment

    Learning the framework is best during a time when things are calm. Becoming familiar with the practice can help you use the squares during a real-time conflict later. Another effective way to practice is to use the blanket as a reflection tool after a difficult conflict or emotional situation has occurred.

    Tip: Try to make the first few practice times fun! Have your child jump from square to square, make up a silly situation, or use a recent example that is fresh on their mind but not too heavy.

    Here, we use an example of how the blanket can help reflect after an emotional situation has occurred.

  • Start with Yourself

    As the parent, model how to use the squares first. This is a teaching moment. Explain that you are going to use the blanket to share your ideas with your child.

    As you move through the framework, touch or step through the blanket sections. For example:

    • “I saw you slam the door.”
    • “I think you might be feeling frustrated about not being allowed more screen time today.”
    • “I feel worried that you are so focused on screen time that you are missing out on other fun things to do that are healthy for your brain.”
    • “I need to follow our house rules that say we are only allowed one hour or screen time a day, and I'd like to help you find something else fun to do together.”

Invite Your Child to Try

Offer them a chance to explain their story the same way your role modelled it. Stay patient and curious. This helps build emotional awareness and confidence.

Note: The goal is to listen and to understand each other. Kids (and adults!) learn best when they feel heard and safe.

  • Prompt Your Child With Curiosity

    Now guide you child through the framework with curious, open-ended questions. Let them use their own words to tell you their story. Here are some prompts for each section of the framework:

    SEE

    • What happened right before you got upset?
    • Let's start at the beginning what did you see or hear right before you got upset?
    • In the moment: Let's pause so you can tell me what is happening for you right now. Start with what you see.

    THINK

    • Tell me about the thoughts that popped into your head right after that happened?
    • What was your brain telling you when you saw that happen?

    FEEL

    • Tell me how that made you feel
    • When you had those thoughts, what were you feeling?
    • What was your heart telling you had those thoughts?

    NEED

    • What do you think would help right now?
    • What do you need from me to move on to our next activity?
    • If you could ask for anything right now, what you ask for?

    Note:

    With younger children, it can help to give them some options to choose from. Use words like "I think you might be upset for reason A or B.... can you tell me which one is true?" Or "I think you are feeling very angry or very sad, but I'm not sure which it is." As children get older and more comfortable with the communication technique, they will start to be able to answer in their own words more easily.

  • An Example:

    Parent and child start by laying the blanket out on the floor together, and standing together on the word SEE.

    • Parent: "Let's talk about what happened just before you slammed the door. What did you see or hear just before you got upset?"
    • Child: "I asked to play video games, but you said no because I already played this morning."

    Together, they step onto the word THINK.

    • Parent: "What did you think about when I told you that you couldn't play video games?
    • Child: "I thought that it is not fair! Because I really want to play more, and I didn't play very much yesterday."

    Next, they move together onto the word FEEL.

    • Parent: When you were thinking how unfair it is, what were you feeling right then?
    • Child: "I felt so angry!"

    Here the parent pauses to acknowledge that it makes sense to be angry when you want something really badly but can't have it. Share that you understand the feeling, and the feeling is normal.

    Now, they move together to the word NEED.

    • Parent: "Now that you know that we must follow our house rules about screen time, what do you need to feel better and to move on to another activity?"
    • Child: "I guess I need some help finding something fun to do now, and I need to know that I will get to play tomorrow."

  • Come Back to It Later If Needed

    Sometimes the conversation might not go perfectly—and that’s okay. You can revisit it after a break, or use the squares regularly to build the habit.
More stories and examples - coming soon

Q&A

How can something like a blanket actually help with communication?

The Adirey blankets transform communication into a shared, sensory experience. The four color-coded sections map the “See, Think, Feel, Need” framework, giving families a clear visual guide while the soft fabric offers a calming tactile cue to slow down. Placed on the floor, the blankets invite parents and children to step from square to square as they talk, linking each stage of the conversation with physical movement. This mind-body pairing deepens focus, reinforces learning, and turns difficult topics into a grounded, collaborative routine—followed, ideally, by a reassuring cuddle in the same welcoming space.

Are these products just for young kids, or can older kids (or adults) use them too?

Adirey tools are for all ages. While they’re designed to be accessible for young children, older kids, teens, and adults often find the framework just as helpful for navigating conflict, expressing needs, and making sense of emotions. In fact, the “See, Think, Feel, Need” process is commonly used in coaching programs and professional settings—it’s a skillset that grows with us.

At Adirey, we believe these tools are most powerful when introduced early, giving children a strong foundation for future relationships, leadership, and emotional resilience. But it’s never too late to learn. These frameworks can support healthy communication at any stage of life, and we’re actively creating new designs that resonate more with teens and adults, too.

Can you give me more examples of how to use Adirey tools in everyday moments?

Yes! We offer examples on our resource page that show how to use the framework during family drives, arguments between siblings, or at bedtime.

I'm not quite sure if these tools will really work for me. Can I get some help deciding what product is right for my family, or how I might get started?

That’s a completely normal place to begin—and you’re not alone. These tools are simple by design, but the process of slowing down and communicating in new ways can feel unfamiliar at first. We’re here to support you.

You can start by visiting our Resource Page, where we’re gathering real-life examples of how other families have used Adirey products to create deeper connection and a calmer home environment. Sometimes seeing how others use the tools can help spark ideas for your own family.

If you're still unsure, please don’t hesitate to reach out. You can send us a note through our Contact Page, and we’ll connect with you directly to help you choose a product or find a starting point that feels doable and right for your family.

What does Adirey mean?

Adirey is a made-up word with personal meaning. It’s a blend of my two oldest daughters’ middle names—Reyley and Addison. When they were little, we used the “See, Think, Feel, Need” framework almost daily to help them move from shouting or grabbing to calmly making requests and understanding each other.

One of our favorite stories—and a bit of an origin tale—involves a shared hairbrush and a rushed drive to school. That moment reminded us how powerful simple communication tools can be, even in the chaos of everyday family life. The name Adirey is a tribute to those early lessons, and to the idea that strong communication can grow from even the smallest of moments.