Hairbrush Fiasco

A simple moment of slowing down together

One of my favorite memories of using a communication framework with my kids came during a rushed school morning. My daughters were arguing in the backseat on the drive to school — one was brushing her hair and the other wanted the brush, NOW. After taking a breath and resisting the urge to shout back, I gently asked questions one by one. “What’s happening right now for you? Just tell me what you see — what are the facts?” Then, “What are you thinking about? How are you feeling?”

The daughter who was upset shared that her sister was taking a long time with the brush and she was getting worried — we were almost at school, and she thought she was running out of time. Finally, I asked, “Can you tell your sister what you need?” And she did. It wasn’t a perfect fix, but the energy shifted. No yelling, no punishment. Just a moment of clarity, connection, and moving forward together.

Sometimes, a moment just feels off — a sibling squabble that escalates quickly, a child shutting down after a tough day, or tension in the air with no clear words. These are the kinds of moments when the Adirey tools can help. Laying it out a blanket or inviting your child to "walk through the squares with me" becomes a signal: we’re going to slow down, take a breath, and work through this together.

As you move through each part of the framework — See, Think, Feel, Need — the movement helps shift the energy. It teaches children that conflict is normal, and there is a kind and calm way to move through it. A potentially reactive moment then turns into a shared experience, one that builds understanding instead of distance. And when you’ve practiced the framework often at home, the steps start to live in your mind’s eye — ready to guide you even when the blanket isn’t right there.